"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor 
questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" 

"Oh,no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport." 

The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, 
no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of 
bed." 

Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in 
for unnatural connubial practices?" "Shure now, he plays the flute, 
but I don't think he knows anything about the connubial." 

"What I'm trying to find out," said the judge getting impatient, "is 
what percipitates this request."

"No` been much rain lately, you're right," she said unperturbed.
Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out 
are what grounds you have." 

"Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone 
grounds." 

"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, 
"you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason 
for you seeking this divorce?" 

"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold 
an intelligent conversation."